Questions, Questions but Never Answers
Sometimes i feel that this blog of mine is really quite pointless..
Cause, truth be told, i hardly (maybe even never) write my feelings and thoughts in here.
All there is is just really recollections of my days in general and random, pointless details. (Plus like a million pictures of course).
I dont write in here when im truly upset or when i have certain thoughts or opinions... this blog has morphed into just an outlet to record my daily activities.
I remember an old journal/blog of mine.. tucked safely away in a corner of a certain net-working website i had. And how i wrote in it almost everyday bout not just my daily events but actual feelings and thoughts.
I miss that.
Maybe it was cause the people who got to read it were my friends overseas and a few of my close friends.. thus i felt safe to write whatever i felt like.
But now.. with this blog.. i always think twice before i write anything. Maybe thats the difference between a BLOG and an actual journal. Hur.
Its weird.
Even though i seem so carefree and without problems nowadays, i feel like im actually living less. I doubt anyone would understand what im feeling but yeh..
Life was a mess last time but thinking back, i think i actually felt more alive then...
The journal i had was back in what, 2004 ? When i was like 13.. i stopped writing in it round 2005/6 ish and only revisited it sometime last year.. and reading it actually invoked so much emotions and feelings and thoughts in me. Reading it made me sit down and really think back and ponder about whatever i wrote.
Re-reading this blog of mine.. i dont know. Whats there to feel ? I mean, dont get me wrong, looking back on all the fun times with my friends makes me happy.. but now im sitting here and thinking and it just hit me that this cant be all life is about is it ?
Alot of people have the mindset that all they want in life is happiness.. so do/did (not sure which word i should use here) i.. i remember making wishes and asking just for happiness cause i aunno.. not good to wish for alot of things right ? Haha.. and Happiness seems to just sum it all up ?
But now here i am.. not knowing what i want. (as usual ?)
Am i actually missing how things were ?
But i like being carefree. I like having Happiness.
I remember begging for and yearning desperately for Happiness back then.
Im so hypocritical at times...
Or maybe im just asking for too much ?
Happiness used to be all i wanted cause i was miserable but now that i've got Happiness.. i want more..
But i just dont know what it is i want.
Maybe i never really knew...
