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Friday, April 24, 2009
If Only...



Oh you..
Dear you..

If only i can lock you up and keep you safe.

But no. That never happens.

No matter what i do, no matter how hard i try,
they always seem to get to you in the end..

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XoXo
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Tuesday, April 21, 2009
F.

Friend (frěnd)
n.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.


Friendship is a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more humans. This article focuses on the notion specific to interpersonal relationships. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them. Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:

- the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
- sympathy and empathy,
- honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
- mutual understanding.



Friendship...
Something that is fragile as fuck.
XoXo
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Weeeee ~ nis !
Birthday, Chalet, Clubbing, Lanning, Drinking.
I havent had a rest since god knows when. Hahaha.
Exhuasteeeed.

But uh wells... at least im having fun =)

Shall upload the pictures when i am actually home early. (Dont hold your breath on it though XD)
XoXo
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Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Slow up, Speed down...

Took the bus this morning to work as usual. And it was weird today.. cause my head wasnt propped against the window like it usually is with my eyes closed.

The sun was scorching & i was perspiring just before i got on the bus. A few stops after and i notice storm clouds slowly engulfing the previously bright sky and the wind bellowing against all. Its actually a pretty common sight for people living in S'pore but for some reason, it caught my attention today, fascinating me.
I couldnt take my eyes off the sight outside and was lost in it pretty much the whole time.. wishing at one point that either the roof of the bus would disappear in an evanescent moment or that i could simply just get off the bus, not turn up for work and walk about, hearing the roar of the fierce yet elegant wind, loose myself in the dark clouds and play with the leaves, dancing to the songs of the wind.

Oh, what i'd give...


I guess the hectic-ness and stress of S'pore's fast paced life and my very own lifestyle is getting to me.
And now all i feel like doing is to just stop and smell the roses.. the strawberries.. the clouds.. the wind.. the rain.. the sun.. anything. Everything.

Halfway through, tiny speckles of raindrops started appearing and i wondered how long itd be before the soft splatter of rain hitting the window turns fast and ferocious. Which brought my attention to something else ; am i gunna get caught in the rain later ? Haha.
But as fast as the thought had drifted in, it drifted out and i remembered something else..

I still remember, albeit the fact that it has become pretty vague, the feeling of rain against my skin.
And that feeling is one that i would never want to or allow myself to forget.


It's weird... Look around and everything seemingly comes in pairs or more. Even during the coldest winter, where the trees are bear, come next season and leaves would start sprouting out again amidst the basking sun.

Everything seems to be intertwined and connected somehow or another.. surviving together.. surviving off each other..

What about humans ?
Can we survive without each other ? Can we really overcome the fear that grips most of us despite our countless efforts to hide it ; loneliness.

I know i for one, need a constant somebody. Be it mentally, emotionally or just physically. And was lucky enough to have found someone who was there for me constantly, without fail. But everything comes with a price and because of that, ive now become overly-dependent on others and when im left alone, i crash.

And because ive been so used to that feeling.. the one of trust and comfort.. of knowing that someone will be there to catch you when you fall.. im constantly searching for it. And because i want it so much, ive subconsciously let my heart cloud my judgement and make wrong choices.

Wrong choices.. just to feel safe again. But it never happens like that. No.



"It feels good knowing that someone is there for you, to catch you when you fall, to help you.. But its a much better feeling, standing on your own two feet"




Hopefully that's true...
XoXo
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Monday, April 13, 2009
Bad, Bad Habits.
So much for sobering up.
I have officially found true love ; ALCO - muthaeffing - HOL.
And clubbing actually... but the both of them kinda come in a package so yeh. HAHA.

But its a very, very bad habit cause i dont even make that much to start with so imagine the amount im spending going through at least a pack of smokes a day, clubbing every other night and drinking everyday.

But gaaawd. It feels sooooo good.
Right now its the ultimate release for me. The only way i know of to just let go and slip into another reality where my problems are so far away from me. Where theres no care in the world and nothing, nothing at all, can touch me. (Cept the pesky pervs that try to dance up on you while you just wanna enjoy yourself. Pfft)

No pictures of me clubbing cause, well..
1. I look horrible when im intoxicated. I turn red really, really easily.
2. Fuck, i am NEVER bringing my $700 camera into a fucking club knowing that im gunna get wasted.

So yeh. Cept that one night with Eve. Luckily she brought a camera so i might steal some of em off her facebook (hopefully) soon. But not the ones of me being totally retarded of course =P

And oukays. The brandy has gotten me tired so its time for me to go listenn to music and relax.
(PS - Saying the word 'relax' is sucha lie. Cause im listening to dance and hard trance and HOW THE FUCK DO YOU RELAX TO THAT. )

XD

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XoXo
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Sunday, April 5, 2009
Vida Loco
Sometimes i sit and wonder...

DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE A LIFE LIKE MINE!?!?!
Cause i swear, it is NUTS. (And the fucking largest nuts around at that.)

Even the people around me agree that my life is a lil crazier then the usual. Life is full of highs and lows ; mine, on the other hand, fluctuates between highs and lows beyond what you can imagine and im not even exaggerating.

Thankfully things seem to be alright now. (No, not gunna say that its a high cause i dont wanna jinx it!)
And i am so relieved to be outta the slum i was in.
Thanks to all the awesome people who stood by me. I have better friends then all you losers out there -sticks tongue out- XD Muahaha. Joke.

But seriously. I just hadta get this out to the 3 main people around me ;

Nina (butt plug) Saburi
What the hell am i supposed to say to you ? To the person who's been there since my Secondary school days (DETENTION CLASS !!) and now even when im in a totally different environment as you.
What the hell am i supposed to say to the person who actually understands all my complex, paradoxical thoughts and thinkings and the one person who has never given up on me despite ALL my bitching, whining, moaning, screaming, and rudeness even.
Seriously. What the hell am i supposed to say ?

I love you to bits, bitchass x)

Gordon (so not Irish ) Lye
One of the most amazing guys around who through a series of unexpected events became a very good friend.
And Gordy, you have no clue how grateful i am for you even though it hasnt been a long journey. (Or maybe im wrong, and you'd desert me halfway through ! -gasp- !! JOKE XD)
You're a great dude with an even better sense of humour and way of cheering people up. Just remember, how you were there for me, i'd always be there for you =) Be it with 7 different flavour of subway cookies, your favourite coloured macaroon, goodass wine, lazing around, morning calls, screaming to the sea, dancing our butts off or just goofing around.

QI GUAI LAN JIAO STEAM STEAM !! XD

(Last but most certainly not least)
Wayne (asshole) Hendroff
You. You know there is nothing i can say that would even be 1/10 of how i honestly feel. You know that inside. Despite it all. You know that we've always got each other and that nothing can ever change the fact that we were born to stay in each others life.
I love you bestfriend. Through all the stabbing, strangling, bitching, fighting.

But loves also definitely goes out to Zsa, Keith, Anthea, all the other people who showed concern and the people at Acid.


...


(I think im content )
=)

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XoXo
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Kittyn ♥

We are all candy covered on the outside
Peel away the shell and we're rotten on the inside


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