Took the bus this morning to work as usual. And it was weird today.. cause my head wasnt propped against the window like it usually is with my eyes closed.
The sun was scorching & i was perspiring just before i got on the bus. A few stops after and i notice storm clouds slowly engulfing the previously bright sky and the wind bellowing against all. Its actually a pretty common sight for people living in S'pore but for some reason, it caught my attention today, fascinating me. I couldnt take my eyes off the sight outside and was lost in it pretty much the whole time.. wishing at one point that either the roof of the bus would disappear in an evanescent moment or that i could simply just get off the bus, not turn up for work and walk about, hearing the roar of the fierce yet elegant wind, loose myself in the dark clouds and play with the leaves, dancing to the songs of the wind.
Oh, what i'd give...
I guess the hectic-ness and stress of S'pore's fast paced life and my very own lifestyle is getting to me. And now all i feel like doing is to just stop and smell the roses.. the strawberries.. the clouds.. the wind.. the rain.. the sun.. anything. Everything.
Halfway through, tiny speckles of raindrops started appearing and i wondered how long itd be before the soft splatter of rain hitting the window turns fast and ferocious. Which brought my attention to something else ; am i gunna get caught in the rain later ? Haha. But as fast as the thought had drifted in, it drifted out and i remembered something else..
I still remember, albeit the fact that it has become pretty vague, the feeling of rain against my skin. And that feeling is one that i would never want to or allow myself to forget.
It's weird... Look around and everything seemingly comes in pairs or more. Even during the coldest winter, where the trees are bear, come next season and leaves would start sprouting out again amidst the basking sun.
Everything seems to be intertwined and connected somehow or another.. surviving together.. surviving off each other..
What about humans ? Can we survive without each other ? Can we really overcome the fear that grips most of us despite our countless efforts to hide it ; loneliness.
I know i for one, need a constant somebody. Be it mentally, emotionally or just physically. And was lucky enough to have found someone who was there for me constantly, without fail. But everything comes with a price and because of that, ive now become overly-dependent on others and when im left alone, i crash.
And because ive been so used to that feeling.. the one of trust and comfort.. of knowing that someone will be there to catch you when you fall.. im constantly searching for it. And because i want it so much, ive subconsciously let my heart cloud my judgement and make wrong choices.
Wrong choices.. just to feel safe again. But it never happens like that. No.
"It feels good knowing that someone is there for you, to catch you when you fall, to help you.. But its a much better feeling, standing on your own two feet"
