Sometimes i wonder if everyone else's life is the same as mine. The constant highs and lows ; problem after problem. Cause i honestly dont see other peoples' lifes being filled with such constant drastic changes. Or maybe its just the whole the grass is always greener on the otherside thing.
It seems like everytime things go smoothly, i get hit in the fucking face with a really huge boulder and fall right back down.
Lifes spiraling downwards. Again.
Constant lows ; problem after problem..
It seems like everything ive been working so hard for is all going down the drain. And this time, after all the other fights, im exhausted.
I know im supposed to be strong. Im supposed to try and not let the things around me drag me down. But how is it even the least humanly possible to fucking do that.
Works been stressing the shit out of me. And everything else isnt helping.
And unfortunately i seem to have slum back into my old habits of intoxicating myself and not thinking to just be free for that howver short while before i close my eyes and drift off to sleep and wake up to the same damn thing over and over again.
And everything is slowly but steadying sucking and draining whatever little life i have left inside outta me.
My bodys deteriorating. Brains malfunctioning. Screaming at me, hurling abuse, telling me to fucking do something before theres another meltdown.
But im tired. Fucking tired. So effing ready to wave the white flag that im secretly hoping and wishing that the amazing people around me who DO NOT deserve all this shit from me would get fed up and give up so that i can give up on myself.
Cause in all sincerety, i am fucking ready to do that.
No more fights. No more putting up a brave front. No more struggles. No more anything.
I definately believe that theres only so much a person can help someone else. And theres always a point where he/she would give up.
Im ready to give up. Lets all slowly wait and see the people around me give up too ? =)
